I scored an F on the Binder Assignment, if you consider my lesson today, you can get an A+.
As a parent I do my best. Don’t get me wrong it has been a roller coaster ride, but I do my best. My husband and myself, like any other parents have spent hours and hours discussing, worrying, hoping and second guessing ourselves while we try to do what is best for our son during his transition. We have received the education a lifetime, and we are forever learning.
Presently we are playing the waiting game. We are waiting to begin Homeone Therapy 101. We are waiting for Josh’s name and gender change. I remind myself that everything takes time and the system has a purpose. The time for adjustment and learning is carefully thought out by our professionals and well, it’s called Transition for a reason.
While we wait I reflect.
No ruminating here, just reflection.
As I reflect I always start by thinking about the good things. I reminisce on my successes. I remember the times when I showed support for my child even when I was questioning every word he was saying. The memories of the good choices I made always have to come first and then I can move forward and forgive myself for my bad ones. I use a two part grading system.
F, stands for “What the f…. Was I thinking?
A, stands for “Yeah! I effin nailed it”! For me the “thin line” quote applies to my life once again, as there is no in between.
Not every decision I made during our first year of transition scored the highly coveted A and I am at peace with that. As a parent lost in the realization that we suddenly had a son, I tried to be accommodating. We supplied him with all his manly needs, but I fought back hard when he asked us for a Binder.
A Binder in Transgender terms is basically piece of clothing similar to an undershirt, used a chest flattener for those transitioning from female to male.
It was news to me that a Binder wasn’t a organizational tool that holds my notebooks!
I told my child I understood he was a guy and not a girl. I said I understood he wasn’t supposed to have his female parts. I like to think I am a leader in most situations, but for some reasons I became “Anti-Binder” as I followed my fears and held to my convictions. Honestly I just didn’t get it, I really didn’t understand and with no text book to learn from I held fast to my irrational and uneducated thoughts.
As a women I cited my fears of horrible diseases like breast cancer and other health problems as an excuse for my Binder ignorance. I used my parental leverage to convince him that “my way” using sports bras and loose clothes would give him the same assurance and confidence he needed. I had no idea how important that Binder was to my son’s physical and mental health.
For the most, part my son has followed my guidance and trusted in my opinions and decisions as a parent. Even when he knew I was wrong, he wore the sports bras and the loose clothing with respect as he waited patiently for me to understand. He sent me reliable links and articles of information and he waited, and waited and waited….
Then one fine morning I happened to glance in the mirror as I squished my wobbly bits into my body slimmer and it hit me like a tonne of muffin top fat.
I am a total hypocrite! Wtf?
My son had been waiting patiently for me to understand the needs of his identity and a quick glance at my reflection was his salvation. I get it now. For my son, getting his first Binder was as important as me getting my first bra. It is not only essential as clothing, but a significant and necessary tool for transition to his next stage of life.
I’m sure you can guess the rest of this story. I immediately apologized to our son and we ordered Josh the proper Binder he needed and within a few days it arrived. As usual, to purchase a great product we just followed our sons advice as he had already done the research. Duh!
Here is a link to a reliable site we use that offers clothing for transition. gc2b
I’ve learned that my son’s flat chest is as important to him as my cleavage and my need to disguise my muffin top are to me. Trust me when I say that your son will come home and rip that thing off just like we all shed our underwire bras and body slimmers at the end of our day. A Binder is no big deal and has turned out to be the least of our worries.
Funny story on a side note…I was discussing my blog with my hubby and as I was reading it to him we both started to giggle. He agrees. A Binder was the least of our worries. I’m glad we can laugh and accept at our mistakes. We have definitely learned from them!
I scored an F on The Binder Assignment, if you consider my lesson today, you can score an A+.
My lesson today……
JUST BUY THE BLOODY BINDER!
I have a son, his name is Josh.